Flip the Bird (Test) With Your Partner. Here's how.

If you’ve ever chased the TikTok algorithm down a late-night wormhole, you may have encountered the “bird test.” If not, here’s the gist.

A couple years ago, an influencer named Alyssa Cardib posted a now-viral one-minute clip on how to instantly assess the health of your relationship.

Her method: in casual conversation, say something random like, “What’s the deal with pistachios?” or her classic, “I saw a bird today.” Then watch your partner’s response.

If they lean in—“Tell me everything! What color? Where?”—they “pass.”

If they shrug—“Cool.”—they “fail.”

If they snap—“Why are you suddenly so into birds?”—they might need to be “expelled.”

[Watch the clip →]

Why people love it: The idea maps to John and Julie Gottman’s theory of bids—those everyday attempts to connect. On their view, when one person offers up a bid, like, "I saw a bird today," the other partner can respond in one of three ways.

1. They can turn toward (engage).

2. They can turn away (ignore).

3. Or they could turn against (reject).

In this sense, the bird test gives you a quick read on whether (in this one particular moment) your partner turns toward or away from you.

What we don’t love: First, by surreptitiously subjecting your partner to this past/fail exam, you end up evaluating their entire body of work as a romantic partner on this one, completely random, response.

What if your partner is having a bad day? What if they didn't hear you? What if they hate birds?

Second, this test is based on "the unicorn assumption," the idea that you (the test giver), unlike your partner, are always engaged, curious, and thrilled by everything they have to say. Why else would they have to take it even though you don't?

But just as flying horses with spiraled horns don't exist, unicorn partners also don't exist. Chances are, you're just as likely to fail this test as your partner.

So here’s our upgrade:

The Flip the Bird Test

If you really want to improve your relationship, we think you should do the bird test, on yourself.

How to run it:

Notice the next time your partner says something random, trivial, or even uninteresting like, "You know what's amazing? Skin!" or "I firmly believe that cereal is, in fact, soup" or "I saw a guy in the produce section at Costco wearing ski goggles."

Turn toward. Offer exactly what you most want to receive: warm curiosity and follow-ups. “Tell me everything—what happened? What made that matter to you?”

Repeat. Do it again tomorrow.

You might be thinking, “Why should I be the one to do all the work here? Isn't the whole goal to get my partner to become more curious about me?”

Fair. But if you want more engagement from your partner, the fastest path starts with you.

Curiosity is contagious. Lead with it, and you’ll change the tone of the whole relationship—and, ironically, you’ll get what you wanted all along: a partner who passes the bird test.