KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

One of the most profound marriage insights comes down to some simple math.

There’s the two of you: you and your partner.

And then there are your “thirds.”

Now, this idea alone isn’t groundbreaking. It’s not going to radically change your life.

But here’s something that might. Marriage therapist and author Stan Takin argues that these “thirds” pose one of the greatest threats to the health of a marriage.

A third could be your friend or...

In this age of constant distraction and stimulation, we've forgotten how to relax.

Why?

Let us count the ways.

Parenting -- this task fills our days with endless emotional, mental, and old-school physical labor. 

Work -- there's no such thing as a 9am to 5pm anymore. Nowadays, work involves the always-on, Whac-a-Mole-style, task of answering texts, calls, and emails at all hours.

Phones -- they now gobble up all the time that's leftover. The wait at the store. The delay at...

The management scientist Edward Deming once said, "Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets."

Now, Deming was talking about large organizations and companies. But his insight applies perfectly to relationships for two reasons.

First, his words offer an important reminder. The results you and your partner are getting -- both good and bad -- aren't happening by random chance. They're created by an underlying system of habits, perfectly designed to give you those...

Here's a passage from Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity that just about knocked us off our chairs the first time we read it:

Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?

Perel's big insight? That we now expect ...

Summer family vacations are a time of connection, joy, and fun.

They're also often the emotional equivalent of running an ultra-marathon or completing a full Ironman Triathlon.

Why?

During an ordinary workday, we have built-in breaks from each other. We go to school, go to meetings, check our email, or run errands around town alone.

During a day on vacation, however, this sprint-and-recover world of breaks flips upside down. We wake up, together. We eat, together. We drive long...

Originally published in Inc. Magazine.

Does this sound familiar?

You've just finished a long day, full of emails, Zoom calls, deadlines, and to-dos. You're now making the shift from work mode to family mode. But, for some reason, you just can't seem to turn it off.

You keep thinking about that meeting, that call you need to make, or all the things you weren't able to get to. You're living in yesterday, tomorrow, and five years from now, finding it impossible to slow down and be here now.

If...

Everyone's down on dopamine these days.

It's been called "the molecule of more," that titillating neurotransmitter of pleasure that keeps us coming back to our smartphone again and again like a gambling addict pulling the lever of the slot machine.

And it's true. Dopamine is to digital consumption as sugar is to the food we eat.

Have too much of it and, well, you might not feel so great. 

So how can we cure our dopamine crazed minds?

One answer is to wage an all out war against...

The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.

Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.

Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.

Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.

So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating...

You've probably heard of the Marie Kondo method of tidying up.

If you haven't, here's the scoop:

• Pick up each of your material possessions
• Ask "Does this bring me joy?"
• If it does, keep it
• If it doesn't, thank it and then get rid of it.

This method is great for decluttering your living space. But we think it's worth pushing the Marie Kondo method one step further, beyond just getting rid of old sports jerseys, vacation tchotchkes from the late 1990s, and dusty books that,...

Has this ever happened to you? 

You just spent all morning making breakfast, unloading the dishwasher, and packing lunches for the kids. Your partner, meanwhile, just strolled in from a morning workout, seemingly oblivious to all your hard work.

Or you just spent ten hours working your face off so that you and your partner can afford the vacations, the house, and the cost of day care. Your partner, meanwhile, just arrived home from a long walk with a friend and a spacious...