Summer family vacations are a time of connection, joy, and fun.
They're also often the emotional equivalent of running an ultra-marathon or completing a full Ironman Triathlon.
During an ordinary workday, we have built-in breaks from each other. We go to school, go to meetings, check our email, or run errands around town alone.
During a day on vacation, however, this sprint-and-recover world of breaks flips upside down. We wake up, together. We eat, together. We drive long...
At some point along the journey of marriage, we've all had this thought. We’ve all contemplated thoughts like: if only my partner appreciated me more or loved me more or listened better, things would be different.
It's a thought based on an assumption, the assumption that change starts, not from within, but when our partner finally gets it together.
The problem? You don't control your partner. If you did, your efforts to change them would have achieved astounding...
Over the last few years, we've immersed ourselves in the cultural conversation on marriage. What we've found is that just about everyone, from bloggers to therapists to celebrities, seems intent on promoting the same marital cliché: marriage is hard.
It's a platitude that is at least partially true. Early on in marriage, it's helpful to hear this.
For us, for example, we walked into marriage with all sorts of misguided ideas. We thought marriage would be more like an episode of...
It’s 6pm on Friday night. It's been a long week. You sit at the table for family dinner. You’re ready to leave work and the chaos of the week behind -- to relax and, finally, connect with your family.
But, somehow, your mind didn’t get the memo. No, the voice in your head sounds more like a heavily-caffeinated line manager, barking out orders like, “You forgot to send that email, didn't you?" “When are you going to book the reservations for the summer...
Today, we want to tackle a difficult topic -- burnout.
During the insanity of the last couple years, many of us have experienced at least some degree of this uniquely modern condition.
What is burnout? It's a reaction to our work or life situation characterized by three primary features:
There’s something strange about conflicts in marriage.
Modern couples could fight about thousands of different things. Life these days, after all, is messy, complicated, and full of an endless stream of logistical challenges, to-dos, and parenting dilemmas.
And yet, when it comes to what we actually fight about, most of us have a pretty short list. The same three to five recycled conflicts just keep popping up, again and again.
For us, it's three things: balancing time spent with each...
Inspired by Oliver Burkeman's recent book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, we've been rethinking our relationship to time in relationships.
One of his most provocative insights arises from the title itself: Four Thousand Weeks.
That's the number of weeks we have to live, assuming that we're fortunate enough to make it to around 80 years old.
This means that, if you're in your forties, you have somewhere around two thousand more weeks, fifteen hundred if you're in your...
The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.
Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.
Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.
Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.
So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating...
The management scientist Edward Deming once said, "Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets."
Now, Deming was talking about large organizations and companies. But his insight applies perfectly to relationships for two reasons.
First, his words offer an important reminder. The results you and your partner are getting -- both good and bad -- aren't happening by random chance. They're created by an underlying system of habits, perfectly designed to give you those...
When we interviewed couples, we heard tragic stories of divorce, constant conflict, and affairs.
But we also heard about a milder, more insidious, force pulling most couples apart.
Think you don't have a problem with your phone? Think again.
Most research estimates that fifty percent of us admit to experiencing a full-on behavioral addiction to our phones. And while we might touch our partner lovingly several times a day, we touch our phones an average of ...