It’s Thanksgiving (the good news)!
Covid-19 rates are peaking (the bad news).
And that means that all the drama we normally experience at Thanksgiving -- the strange political discussions or the arguments over whether the stuffing should be gluten-free -- now includes all sorts of new emotionally explosive questions.
Originally published in Inc. Magazine.
Does this sound familiar?
You've just finished a long day, full of emails, Zoom calls, deadlines, and to-dos. You're now making the shift from work mode to family mode. But, for some reason, you just can't seem to turn it off.
You keep thinking about that meeting, that call you need to make, or all the things you weren't able to get to. You're living in yesterday, tomorrow, and five years from now, finding it impossible to slow down and be here now.
After seventeen or so years of living together and carefully examining our habits, we started to notice the importance of mode switching in relationships.
All relationships have a variety of modes. For instance, we often get caught in logistics mode. This is the mode where we become like two startup cofounders, spending our days coordinating calendars, executing on important to-dos, and thinking ahead to upcoming events, trips, and kids activities.
Then there’s parent mode. This is the...
Several years ago, we noticed a strange pattern in our lives together. With marathon to-do lists, overflowing inboxes, and the constant demands of raising a small human being, we spent much of life trying to achieve "completion."
Completion might be getting to inbox zero. Or it might be finally planning out all of our daughter's summer camps. Or it might be that ecstatic feeling of having a house that's perfectly clean and in order.
What’s the problem with completion? The problem, we...
Over the last 50 or so years, we've witnessed a strange shift in the definition of success. Success used to mean becoming excellent at one thing. You could be a successful writer by authoring great books. You could be a successful cook by creating delicious meals. You could be a successful businessperson by getting regular promotions at work.
Today, however, the scope of success has shifted, from being good at one thing to, well, just about everything. It’s not...