Does anyone else feel fear and anxiety in the air?

Perhaps it's because fall is the season of fear, at least according to many traditions. It's the time when the leaves fall, when the days get shorter, when the wind howls, and when we celebrate a day dedicated to scaring the crap out of each other.

But perhaps it's also because we're living in a time where so much is uncertain. Will this pandemic ever end? Will we ever repair the fractures in our society? How will all of this...

We thought we'd start this week's newsletter with the sage advice of the soulful R&B legend Lionel Richie. During American Idol last season -- yes, we're citing a reality show as a source of intellectual authority -- he told one eager contestant, "Your life begins at the edge of your comfort zone."

We think Lionel is right on. In fact, we think this might also be some of the best advice out there on enhancing your relationship. 

So, to steal a line from the man who...

Now that stay-at-home orders and quarantines are easing (for some of us), we’ve noticed a pattern, both as individuals and as a couple. It’s a pattern we're calling "the quarantine habit hangover."

Just like a real hangover from a night where you had a little bit too much fun, this hangover starts with an earlier attempt to seek short-term pleasure. But unlike the morning after a wild party, this one is more like a three-month daze brought on by all sorts of odd...

“The challenge for modern couples lies in reconciling the need for what's safe and predictable with the wish to pursue what's exciting, mysterious, and awe-inspiring."

These are the words of Esther Perel, the master theorist of sex and eroticism in marriage. Her big idea is that marriage consists of two conflicting aims. On one side, we crave security, comfort, and safety. On the other, we crave adventure, excitement, and sometimes even risk.

Ideally, these...

Couples have always had to navigate differences in risk. And yet, over the last couple months, the potential for explosive conflict around risk has grown exponentially. Because now, everything is risky.

Should you get a haircut? Or is that taking on too much risk?

Should you get a check up at the doctor? Is going or not going the bigger risk?

Should you let your child play with a friend? Or will that turn your kid into a disease vector?

If you're lucky, you and your partner agree on...