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Is Your Marriage or Relationship 80/20, 50/50 or 80/80?

fairness habits roles Mar 10, 2021

The New York Times Review

We're thrilled to report that The New York Times did a review this week of our book, The 80/80 Marriage. They linked radical generosity in life to what happens in the bedroom. Read the article and ask yourself: "How does the way I do life show up in sex?" Click here to read the full article.


Now for the real question: Is your relationship 80/80?

If you've read our book, followed us on Instagram, or kept up with these newsletters, you probably have a good sense of what it means to be in an 80/80 relationship. 

It's a shift from the fairness-based mindset of 50/50 marriage to a new model where we aspire toward radical generosity and a structure of shared success. It's shifting from trying to contribute at 50 percent to a radical goal of 80 percent or more, realizing the math doesn’t work (but why limit love to math?).

This idea may sound crazy, irrational, and impossible. But it's also one of the most powerful ways to change the culture of your marriage.

And yet for many people, before even considering this shift to 80/80, it's essential to ask: "Where am I starting from? How close is my current relationship to 80/80?"

Answering this question isn't about judging yourself, your partner, or your relationship. It's about understanding the location of your current relationship set point so that you can take steps to grow and make it better (if that's something you choose to do).

We have a simple way to answer this question. It's a short, 10-item, survey we've developed to help you see where your relationship lands on the spectrum running from 80/20 to 50/50 to 80/80. 

To take the assessment, download and print the PDF version by clicking here.

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