For many couples, the thought of going on a couples retreat triggers a mixture of confusion and awkwardness. It leaves you with Vince Vaughn's bewildered look in the picture above from the classic film, Couples Retreat.
We know because this is exactly how we felt in the early years of our marriage. “Why would we ever spend a weekend together doing random exercises to help us love each other more?" we thought. “This whole marriage thing shouldn’t be that hard."
But then we found ourselves fighting with each other over meaningless things like Nate's extensive self-care protocols or Kaley's uncanny ability to reveal the imperfections of just about any domestic task. And then we found ourselves fighting about bigger things, things like who was working harder, who cared more, or even who loved the other person more.
And then we found ourselves, well, on the verge of losing it all and getting a divorce.
And that’s when the idea of going on a couples retreat didn't seem so crazy anymore. All of a sudden, we realized, “Maybe we could have avoided all of this energy-draining drama by just sitting down together and getting clear on our values, our priorities, and what we want our life to look like together."
So today, we want to encourage you to consider the possibility that carving out just a few hours or maybe even a full day of time to work on your marriage might be the best investment you’ve ever made. It might save you from years of conflict, tension, and unhappiness.
But how do you do that?
There are all sorts of possibilities. You can do a retreat together in an unstructured and informal way, where you set aside a half day or full day together and go on a long walk with some great questions.
You can also take a book like ours, The 80/80 Marriage, and do several of the exercises together.
Or you can take advantage of the burgeoning landscape of online marriage retreats. This is an amazing new option because it gives you the ability to do this work together without ever having to fly across the country, stay at some random New Age retreat center (though some of them are cool), or reveal your deepest truths before an audience of 50 or so other couples.
Instead, by doing a virtual retreat, you can get the benefits of doing this work together, wherever and whenever you want.
If this is of interest, we encourage you to try out one of the 80/80 on-demand, virtual, couples retreats.
The first is our Radical Generosity Retreat. It's a full-day exploration of the core idea behind The 80/80 Marriage: the mindset shift from fairness to radical generosity. This retreat includes 16 instructional videos, a PDF workbook, and a full day of new exercises.
The second is the Shared Success Retreat. This is a half-day exploration into experiencing shared success together by getting clear on your values, priorities, and roles. This retreat includes 8 instructional videos, a values assessment, a PDF workbook, and a half day of exercises.
We're also offering 50% off both of these retreats for the next week. Simply use the code MARIAGE8080 as your "coupon code" at check out.
If you can't make this work financially, send us a message here, and we would be happy to offer a 75 percent off scholarship-discount for you and your partner.