The Trap of "Just This Once" Thinking in Relationships

Here’s a sneaky mind virus that took us almost 20 years of marriage to notice.

We call it the “just this once” trap.

This is how it works.

Life is already a circus. You’ve got work, kids, in-laws, and about a thousand other responsibilities all screaming for your attention. The last thing you should do? Add more.

But that’s when the trap springs.

A college buddy texts you that they're in town.

A coworker ropes you into their Jamaican destination wedding.

Your parents guilt you into visiting them for a full week in August.

Even though you know it will turn your life into a living logistical hellscape, you nod and say yes.

Why?

Because it’s “just this once.”

Just this once that your college friend is in town.

Just this once that your coworker’s getting married.

Just this once that you’ll spend a full week with your parents.

Except…it isn't.

And that’s the lie. If it were truly “just this once,” you would only have this thought once a decade. Instead, you may think it every week. Or maybe even every day.

If you look closely, you will notice that “just this once” thinking extends far beyond family and social life. At work, it’s just this one trip to Cleveland or just this one late-night email session. With money, it’s just this one jaw-droopingly high credit card bill because both the AC and fridge died this month.

The trap of “just this once” thinking is sneaky, relentless.

What’s the way out?

1. Be on Alert

This cognitive bias of the modern mind is extremely subtle. If you're not paying close attention, you will miss it. 

The antidote is to work with your partner to detect those moments when one of you slips into the trap of "just this once” thinking. 

Of course, you may not hear the exact words "just this once." So be on the lookout for other phrases like: 

• "This is a silver bullet request…" 
• "This is the last time that…" 
• "I probably won't have many more opportunities to…"

If you hear something that sounds like these phrases, that’s a red flag.

2. Stop Letting Fake Priorities Win

Why does “just this once” thinking hold such incredible power over the modern mind?

It creates fake priorities. 

When you think this way, you elevate obligations over actual priorities, things like couple time, family time, or time to just kick back on the couch and take a nap. 

Don’t let these fake priorities win. Train yourself to see through the illusion of “just this once.”

See these asks for what they really are: not some special, once-in-a-lifetime, request but a low priority obligation dressed in high priority drag. 

It’s a subtle but powerful realization. Because now you don’t have to let “just this once” thinking set your priorities. You can set them yourself.