Use a Smartphone Safe Word to Reclaim Relationship Attention

We've been interviewing a lot of couples lately for our new book Busy Love, and one of the things we've noticed is that the greatest threat to connection now arises from an unusual place: our phones. 

51 percent of people say that their partner is “often or sometimes distracted by their smartphone when they are trying to have a conversation with them.”  

71 percent now admit to spending more time with their smartphone than their partner.  

There’s now even a word for snubbing your partner for your phone: “Pphubbing.” A Baylor University study found that 46 percent of people report having been Pphubbed by their partner. 

What are we to do?

Try using a Smartphone Safe Word.

We’re guessing you’ve heard of using a safe word during sex.

The basic idea is that if your partner goes a too far or does something that starts to hurt, you yell something like, “Artichoke,” your safe word, and they stop.

We think this idea of the safe word extends beyond kinky rope play in the bedroom.

Using what we call a smartphone safe word is the perfect way for the two of you to work together to reclaim your attention in the rest of life. 

Here's how it works...

Tools

1. Come up with a Smartphone Safe Word

The crazier and weirder the better.

You might go with a vegetable theme, with something like “Asparagus,” “Cauliflower,” “Arugula,” or “Rutabaga.”

Or maybe you want to go with the obscure fruits vibe, “Kiwi,” “Kumquat,” “Nectarine,” or “Boysenberry.”

Or maybe you want to skip foods altogether and just pick a random word like, “Unicorn,” “Tarantula,” “Oklahoma,” or “Spaceship.”

Pick a word together that makes you laugh and that’s easy to remember.

2. Use Your Safe Word

Now, when you’re trying to get your partner’s attention during a conversation but they’re oblivious, staring blankly into their screen, you no longer have to react out of habit.

You no longer have to scold them by saying something like, “Are you even paying attention to me?”

Now, all you have to do is use your smart phone safe word.

Here's what it looks like...

You notice that your partner isn't paying attention to a single thing that you're saying.

You shout out, “Chameleon.”

They get the message, instantly, hopefully smile, and put down their phone.