KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

Last year, Nate took up a bizarre practice. After reading the book Breath by James Nestor, he became convinced of the benefits of nasal breathing (breathing through your nose instead of your mouth).

The scientific case for nasal breathing is robust. A vast body of evidence shows that simply breathing through your nose improves sleep quality, reduces stress, and enhances our ability to absorb oxygen.

There’s just one problem. How do you breathe through your nose at night?

Enter Nate’s bizarre ...

Is it just us or does everyone seem overwhelmed and ragged these days?

Consider the last few days of 2021. The 30th of December kicked off with the terrifying news of the Omicron variant spreading throughout the world at record pace.

Then came the texts that afternoon asking, “Are you guys OK? Is your house on fire?" We soon learned that an ember storm was barreling down on the southern part of our beloved city of Boulder, a winter wildfire driven by hurricane force winds that destroyed ar...

Fairness is the air that we breathe in modern relationships.

We breathe it in as we watch our partner failing yet again to be helpful and load the dishwasher like a sane human being. We breathe it out as we complain either out loud or in the privacy of our own minds about their shortcomings.

Like the air that surrounds us, fairness is also mostly invisible.

We discovered this during our interviews with couples for The 80/80 Marriage. We asked each couple, “How does fairness show up in you...

Has this ever happened to you?

You and your partner finally carve out time to be alone together. You go on date night or you take a weekend away together or maybe you just take 45 minutes to walk around the neighborhood.

But then, as you enter into this precious time reserved for connection, you stare blankly at each other wondering, “Shouldn't we have more to talk about?"

It’s a marital predicament experienced by couples at all stages, by newlyweds, those who have lived together for years...

It’s called the “upper limits" problem.

Never heard of it? You've definitely experienced it, likely without even knowing it’s happening.

The idea comes from Gay Hendricks, one of our favorite relationships experts. He has observed that we all have an upper limit when it comes to happiness and connection in relationships.

In his words, “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner the...

Does anyone else feel fear and anxiety in the air?

Perhaps it's because fall is the season of fear, at least according to many traditions. It's the time when the leaves fall, when the days get shorter, when the wind howls, and when we celebrate a day dedicated to scaring the crap out of each other.

But perhaps it's also because we're living in a time where so much is uncertain. Will this pandemic ever end? Will we ever repair the fractures in our society? How will all of this madness impact...

We have some reassuring words for you today.

If you've ever had a knock-down-drag-out fight or even just a heated argument on date night, you are not alone.

We certainly have. In fact, we had our most explosive fight ever during what should have been a wonderful date night sitting outside on the patio at a Mediterranean restaurant. 

It's an argument we recount at the beginning of The 80/80 Marriage -- an argument over which one of us would pick up our daughter from daycare.

Of course, th...

Imagine that it’s been one of those days.

You’re tired, cranky. You feel stressed and irritated. And, on top of it all, you feel like you’re the one doing everything -- at work, with the kids, and at home.

Then, your partner casually strolls through the door and says, “I thought you were planning to have dinner ready by 6 PM?"

In an instant, a tidal wave of thoughts and emotions washes over you. You feel the piercing sensations of anger rising through your belly and chest. Your mind swirls wi...

In last week's newsletter, we explored envy outside of marriage, toward friends or other couples. This week, we want to go one level deeper into the sensitive subject of envy towards your partner.

We experienced this just last week. With our daughter out of school and in camps for the summer, we decided to modify our work schedules.

Nate slowed down a bit so he could take on more of the camp drop offs and pick ups and random life logistics. Kaley, meanwhile, ramped up her travel for work, spen...

A woman in distress recently sent us a DM on our 80/80 Instagram account. She told us that her husband is withdrawing. He’s less interested in spending time together. He’s contributing less. And their marriage is suffering.

Why?

That’s where things get interesting. He’s withdrawing because she has made a commitment to self improvement. She’s reading new books, listening to new podcasts, and building new habits to improve her life.

You would think her partner would welcome all of this positive...