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Letting Go of The Desire to Control Your Partner in Marriage

communication habits stress Feb 22, 2024

 

The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.

Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.

Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.

Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.

So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating...

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Stop Relationship Tailgating: Here's How

Uncategorized Jan 30, 2024

 

Have you ever had another driver tailgate you? 

This happened to us just the other day. Driving down from the mountains after skiing, an overly caffeinated guy in a Lexus followed ten feet behind us as we drove 50 mph down a 45 mph speed limit mountain road.

Lexus-dude's intention? To get us to go faster.

Our reaction? To do anything but that. We slowed down. Took it easy. And watched in the rear view as he started to lose his mind. 

And that's when it hit us. This dynamic...

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5 Tools to Marie-Kondo (Declutter) Your Mind

habits space stress Jan 17, 2024

 

You've probably heard of the Marie Kondo method of tidying up.

If you haven't, here's the scoop:

  • Pick up each of your material possessions
  • Ask "Does this bring me joy?"
  • If it does, keep it
  • If it doesn't, thank it and then get rid of it.

This method is great for decluttering your living space. But we think it's worth pushing the Marie Kondo method one step further, beyond just getting rid of old sports jerseys, vacation tchotchkes from the late 1990s, and dusty books that,...

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5 Relationship Habits for a Happy New Year in 2024

 

Happy New Year!

If you’re like us, you’re beginning to think about new intentions, resolutions, and habits for 2024.

So we wanted to use this newsletter as a subtle nudge, a reminder to think not only about your individual habits but also about your habits as a couple for 2024.

Your relationship, after all, rests on a vast system of often unconscious habits. It’s a system perfectly designed to create both the good and bad in your life together.

Bad habits create...

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3 Ways to Dissolve Your Holiday Stress in Your Relationship

Uncategorized Dec 20, 2023

 

Ah, the holidays.

It's a time of celebration, reflection, and merry-making.

But let's be real here. It can also be a time of soul-crippling stress.

Why?

Because in addition to all the fun stuff, you may still have presents to buy, packages to wrap, work projects to complete, social logistics to coordinate, kids to take care of (all day), family gatherings to attend, and a now late stack of holiday cards that still need stamps.

Heck, Covid may even make a holiday cameo in your house...

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Poop, Pop, 'Preciate -- 3 Words That Might Change Your Relationship

 

We live in an age of hyper connection. 

We can text our partner at all hours of the day and night. We can track their every move using Google Location Sharing. We can even FaceTime them when we’re thousands of miles away. 

So why is it so hard for modern couples to stay connected?

Researchers at UCLA have an answer. They followed around thirty modern couples, observing them like anthropologists as they ate, got the kids ready for school, and navigated the logistics of...

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What to Do (and Not Do) When Things Aren't Fair in Marriage

 

Has this ever happened to you? 

You just spent all morning making breakfast, unloading the dishwasher, and packing lunches for the kids. Your partner, meanwhile, just strolled in from a morning workout, seemingly oblivious to all your hard work.

Or you just spent ten hours working your face off so that you and your partner can afford the vacations, the house, and the cost of day care. Your partner, meanwhile, just arrived home from a long walk with a friend and a spacious...

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The One Financial Decision That Changes Everything in Relationships

 

Relationships are complicated.

Circumstances are unique.

Every couple has their own idiosyncratic way of handling money.

These ideas have led us to steer clear of talking about today's topic in past newsletters.

But after years of witnessing couples struggle with money and after the emergence of new research, we felt compelled to talk about this third rail of relationships: the decision to share or split financial accounts.

Our perspective?

Sharing accounts is perhaps the most...

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Why Relationship Success Starts With Self-Awareness

Uncategorized Oct 18, 2023

 

People without self-awareness have crappy relationships.

It’s that simple.

How do we know? We’ve interviewed and coached hundreds of people, and this basic axiom of relationships holds…Every…Single…Time. 

So powerful is self-awareness that, when it’s missing, anything else you might do to improve your relationship is destined to fail.

You could read all those inspiring posts on Instagram. You could read all the marriage books (which we love...

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Stop Trying to Have a High School Relationship (Here's How)

 

What we're about to tell you may be hard to hear.

So take a breath.

See if you can get curious.

OK, ready?

Here goes.

One of the biggest barriers to a happier relationship is this: you haven't updated your model of love since high school. 

You remember high school love. It's when desire struck like a lightning bolt of dopamine, when you had endless hours of free time, when you could make the spur-of-the moment decision to cut class to hang out together at the mall without...

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