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80/80 Marriage

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This Math Might Change Your Marriage

habits priorities stress Apr 13, 2022

 

Inspired by Oliver Burkeman's recent book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, we've been rethinking our relationship to time in relationships.

One of his most provocative insights arises from the title itself: Four Thousand Weeks.

That's the number of weeks we have to live, assuming that we're fortunate enough to make it to around 80 years old.

This means that, if you're in your forties, you have somewhere around two thousand more weeks, fifteen hundred if you're in your...

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Letting Go of The Desire to Control Your Partner in Marriage

communication habits stress Apr 07, 2022

 

The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.

Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.

Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.

Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.

So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating...

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Master The Relationship Superpower of Role Shifting in Marriage

habits roles sex Mar 30, 2022

 

Have you ever noticed that being in an intimate relationship is a lot like competing in a decathlon?

A winning decathlete can’t just be good at throwing a javelin. She must also excel at the high jump, running the 1600 meters, pole vaulting and a bunch of other seemingly unrelated events.

Likewise, in intimate relationships, you can’t just excel in one relationship role. You can’t just be amazing at sex or a wildly entertaining conversationalist or a superbly...

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3 Ways to 'Spring Clean' Your Relationship or Marriage

 

Spring is finally here.

If you're like us, you might be cleaning out your closet, sweeping the garage, or tossing out old files from your office.

There's something cathartic about spring clean up. And yet we think this ritual shouldn’t be limited to your home, garden, or storage room.

As you transition out of the snow, cold, and long nights of winter, what would it look like to also spring clean your relationship?

Here are our three favorite tools.

 

Tools

 

1....

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How Much Slack Do You Have in Your System of Marriage?

habits priorities space stress Mar 14, 2022

 

The management scientist Edward Deming once said, "Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets."

Now, Deming was talking about large organizations and companies. But his insight applies perfectly to relationships for two reasons.

First, his words offer an important reminder. The results you and your partner are getting -- both good and bad -- aren't happening by random chance. They're created by an underlying system of habits, perfectly designed to give you those...

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Your Phone Is Ruining Your Relationship (Here's How to Put it Down)

communication habits stress Mar 07, 2022

 

When we interviewed couples, we heard tragic stories of divorce, constant conflict, and affairs.

But we also heard about a milder, more insidious, force pulling most couples apart.

The smartphone.

Think you don't have a problem with your phone? Think again. 

Most research estimates that fifty percent of us admit to experiencing a full-on behavioral addiction to our phones. And while we might touch our partner lovingly several times a day, we touch our phones an average of ...

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6 Ways to DESTROY Your Partner's Desire for Sex in Marriage

habits sex Mar 02, 2022

 

Sex and marriage might just be two of the most contradictory activities we humans engage in.

Sex is all about freedom, pleasure, and spontaneity. It thrives on breaking routines, novelty, risk, and experimentation.

Then there's marriage. Place that word next to sex, and it feels heavy, almost boring. Marriage, after all, is about commitment. It demands safety, hard work, and steady routines. It's less about spontaneity, more about predictability and structure.

Perhaps this is why one...

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Is 'Completion Addiction' Hurting Your Marriage?

habits priorities space stress Feb 24, 2022

Several years ago, we noticed a strange pattern in our lives together. With marathon to-do lists, overflowing inboxes, and the constant demands of raising a small human being, we spent much of life trying to achieve "completion."

Completion might be getting to inbox zero. Or it might be finally planning out all of our daughter's summer camps. Or it might be that ecstatic feeling of having a house that's perfectly clean and in order.

What’s the problem with completion? The problem, we...

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All The Hacks of The 80/80 Marriage

habits roles stress Feb 17, 2022

 

This week we're switching up the format of our newsletter. 

We're thrilled to share about our new favorite podcast (we think you'll agree) called All the Hacks, which was recently featured on The Tim Ferriss Show.

The podcast is hosted by Chris Hutchins and, on this latest episode, we had the privilege of talking with Chris and his wife Amy Fox about all the "hacks" of 80/80. 

Click here to listen.

This episode also served as the perfect opportunity to ask...

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Plan Your Summer (Without Driving Each Other Crazy)

communication stress Feb 09, 2022

 

It’s still mid-winter, and yet it’s already time for summer planning to begin. Kids summer camps are filling up. Your in-laws are asking, “When are you planning to visit?" And air fares are starting to rise.

How do you plan out your summer without driving each other crazy?

Let's start with how not to do it, with the way that summer planning turns into a hot mess come July.

Partner 1, the consummate over-contributor, realizes that, if she doesn’t...

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