Over the last 50 or so years, we've witnessed a strange shift in the definition of success. Success used to mean becoming excellent at one thing. You could be a successful writer by authoring great books. You could be a successful cook by creating delicious meals. You could be a successful businessperson by getting regular promotions at work.
Today, however, the scope of success has shifted, from being good at one thing to, well, just about everything. It’s not...
Imagine marriage as a two-player game.
Each morning, you wake up and accumulate points by doing all the things you do: going to work, buying groceries, or helping out your kid with that impossible algebra problem.
The goal? To win the game, together.
But that begs an essential question, a question that most couples never ask: “What's the game that we're trying to win together?"
It's an essential question because, let’s face it, a happy marriage could arise from striving...
If you believe everything you see on Facebook and Instagram, the summer family vacation is an experience of bliss.
It’s that exquisite time when you can unplug, connect, laugh, and go on adventures together, as a family. It’s full of smiles, fun, and glorious sunny days where everything works out with perfect logistical precision.
If you’ve ever actually been on a summer family vacation, however, you know better.
You know that this precious time is also a lot...
For many couples, the thought of going on a couples retreat triggers a mixture of confusion and awkwardness. It leaves you with Vince Vaughn's bewildered look in the picture above from the classic film, Couples Retreat.
We know because this is exactly how we felt in the early years of our marriage. “Why would we ever spend a weekend together doing random exercises to help us love each other more?" we thought. “This whole marriage thing shouldn’t be that hard."
But then we...
Imagine that it’s been one of those days.
You’re tired, cranky. You feel stressed and irritated. And, on top of it all, you feel like you’re the one doing everything -- at work, with the kids, and at home.
Then, your partner casually strolls through the door and says, “I thought you were planning to have dinner ready by 6 PM?"
In an instant, a tidal wave of thoughts and emotions washes over you. You feel the piercing sensations of anger rising through your belly...
In the early days of a relationship, you go on these things called "dates." You don’t live together. You don’t share finances. So dates are the only time you see each other.
Then you get married, add a kid or three to the picture and, all of a sudden, you start to have the opposite experience. You're now together. All. The. Time.
You eat together. You sleep together. You spend hours and hours planning the logistics of life together.
So now you need to bring dates back into...
Last week, we had a conversation with a recently married younger couple. They told us about the challenge of transitioning from those early days of dating, where everything is fun and fresh, to the early days of marriage, where you end up spending way more time on navigating conflict and life logistics.
In that moment, something clicked. We uncovered an insight that was always there but that we had never seen with such clarity.
We call it The Fun-to-Logistics Ratio.
Here’s how it works....
In last week's newsletter, we explored envy outside of marriage, toward friends or other couples. This week, we want to go one level deeper into the sensitive subject of envy towards your partner.
We experienced this just last week. With our daughter out of school and in camps for the summer, we decided to modify our work schedules.
Nate slowed down a bit so he could take on more of the camp drop offs and pick ups and random life logistics. Kaley, meanwhile, ramped up her travel for work,...
A woman in distress recently sent us a DM on our 80/80 Instagram account. She told us that her husband is withdrawing. He’s less interested in spending time together. He’s contributing less. And their marriage is suffering.
That’s where things get interesting. He’s withdrawing because she has made a commitment to self improvement. She’s reading new books, listening to new podcasts, and building new habits to improve her life.
You would think her partner...
The theme of this summer is change.
If you have young kids, you're experiencing the change from the academic calendar to camps, vacations, and unstructured time.
If you've spent the last year holed up in your house, avoiding large crowds, airplanes, and social gatherings, you may be experiencing the change to a more packed social calendar.
With these changes comes an essential question: what are your priorities?
Of course, you don’t have to answer that question. You can just let random...