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80/80 Marriage

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Try out this mind-blowing marriage thought experiment

conflict habits stress Jan 25, 2023

 

Have you ever had a single line of text change your life? 

We have. Here’s a line that changed ours from two of our mentors Gay and Katie Hendricks:

“In all times and every way, we are getting exactly what we are committed to getting.”

Take a moment to sit with this idea. 

Take a moment to let it in.

Consider the idea that, somehow, you are committed to getting all the problems and challenges you experience throughout the day.

Most of us recoil at the...

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Hard Conversations: Why Timing Makes the Difference

communication habits stress Jan 11, 2023

 

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re tired, exhausted even, and so is your partner.

In this moment, it's like someone somewhere flipped a cosmic switch, suddenly making your partner's every act excruciatingly annoying.

The words coming out of their mouth. The gross slapping sound they make when chewing food. That they never seem to take their eyes off their damn phone. 

 That’s when it happens. Your mind presents you with a long list of grievances. You're...

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5 Relationship Habits for a Happy New Year in 2023

 

New Year’s Eve is just days away.

If you’re like us, you’re beginning to think about new intentions, resolutions, and habits for 2023.

So we wanted to use this newsletter as a subtle nudge, a reminder to think not only about your individual habits but also about your habits as a couple for 2023.

Your relationship, after all, rests on a vast system of often unconscious habits. It’s a system perfectly designed to create both the good and bad in your life...

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The One Financial Decision That Makes Couples Happier

communication power stress Dec 14, 2022

 

What's the one logistical decision that has the power to radically alter relationship satisfaction?

It's not whether or not you have kids.

It's not where you decide to live.

It's not whether you both work or whether one of you stays at home.

It's whether you hold joint or separate bank accounts.

In the United States, studies show that 43 percent of couples have only joint accounts, 34 percent have a mixture of joint and separate accounts, while 23 percent keep all of...

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The Vast Conspiracy Against Date Night in Marriage

 

We're sorry to be the ones to bring you this news. But this is a hard truth you need to hear.

There is a vast, worldwide, conspiracy afoot against you and your partner ever going on another date night.

Your kids are in on it. They'll do just about anything to interrupt that dinner out you had planned for a Thursday night. They'll get in trouble at school. They’ll break their arm. They’ll get a stomach flu. They might even orchestrate a massive fight between siblings at the...

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The 5 Essential Habits of The 80/80 Marriage

 

Just the other day, we had a moment of clarity.

Our book, The 80/80 Marriage, has now been out for almost two years. Throughout this time, we've wondered: Why do some couples who read the book report massive transformations while others report feeling hesitant, almost overwhelmed, by the idea of shifting to 80/80?

We finally uncovered the answer: the 80/80 model is radical, way more radical than we initially understood. 

The goal of this framework isn't to shift from...

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4 Tools for Rebuilding Trust in Relationships and Marriage

 

What's the best way to rebuild trust in your relationship?

Here's the easy answer: try not to lose it in the first place.

You can do this in all sorts of ways. There's staying in the mindset of radical generosity, revealing your full experience, and getting clear on your values as a couple. All of these 80/80 strategies will help you get more connected and, as a result, strengthen the fabric of trust. 

But what do you do when there is a significant loss of trust in...

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5 Tips for Improving Date Night in Marriage

communication habits space Oct 19, 2022

In the early days of a relationship, you go on these things called "dates." You don’t live together. You don’t share finances. So dates are the only time you see each other.

Then you get married, add a kid or three to the picture and, all of a sudden, you start to have the opposite experience. You're now together. All. The. Time.

You eat together. You sleep together. You spend hours and hours planning the logistics of life together.

So now you need to bring dates back into...

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Understanding the I-Miss-You Fight in Your Relationship

 

Relationship conflicts come in all sorts of flavors.

There’s the power struggle, the fight over decision rights, or the argument about money.

There’s the classic fairness fight, the dispute over the exact 50/50 balance of housework, child care, and the thousand or so other random logistics of modern life.

But there’s also a subtler, more surreptitious, form of conflict. We call it the I-miss-you fight.

We experienced it just last week. Kaley was away all week for an...

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Reveal Your Truth in Relationships
(Without Triggering a Huge Fight)

Marriage is a lot like owning a car.  You don’t have to take it in for regular tune-ups, nor do you have to change its oil or fill up its tires. But sooner or later, this haphazard approach is likely to leave you stranded on the side of the road or with no car at all.

The same is true in marriage. You don’t have to reveal all of those microscopic truths: the subtle resentment you feel when cleaning up after your partner or the irritation that springs from feeling controlled....

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