KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

Summer family vacations are a time of connection, joy, and fun.

They're also often the emotional equivalent of running an ultra-marathon or completing a full Ironman Triathlon.

Why?

During an ordinary workday, we have built-in breaks from each other. We go to school, go to meetings, check our email, or run errands around town alone.

During a day on vacation, however, this sprint-and-recover world of breaks flips upside down. We wake up, together. We eat, together. We drive long distances ...

You share a lot in relationships.

Your home. Your bed. Some of you share all your money. Others occasionally share a toothbrush (you know who you are).

But none of that even comes close to the sheer vulnerability of sharing this: your phone passcode.

Why?

Because someone with your passcode has access to, well, everything—your texts, your location, your browser history, your camera roll, and, yes, the bizarre things you ask ChatGPT at midnight.

Which raises a distinctively modern relat...

We've been interviewing a lot of couples lately for our new book Busy Love, and one of the things we've noticed is that the greatest threat to connection now arises from an unusual place: our phones. 

51 percent of people say that their partner is “often or sometimes distracted by their smartphone when they are trying to have a conversation with them.”  

71 percent now admit to spending more time with their smartphone than their partner.  

There’s now even a word for snubbing your partn...

The world these days, well, it's kind of a hot mess.

Political outrage.

Stock market sell-offs.

AI bots replacing your job, our job, and maybe even this newsletter.

If you're like most couples, all of this insanity happening on the outside has a way of creating more tension and stress on the inside.

The hard days get harder. 

The arguments get more intense.

Your deepest emotional triggers become more sensitive, raw, and exposed.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying: the worl...

What if we were to tell you that your life is really just an elaborate video game?

The purpose of the game? To win, obviously, and score as many points as you can.

How do you score points? Three ways: money, approval, and achievement. The higher your aggregate score, the faster you move up the leaderboard, the better you feel about your position in the game. 

You might notice though that there’s something peculiar about the scoring system: you only get points for the things you do outsi...

Want to pick an epic fight with your partner?

Just do this. Take your mom’s side rather than their side in an argument.

Or this. Ditch them for a night out with your friends.

Or this. Cancel on them at the last minute so that you can join a Zoom meeting with your boss.

We’re not actually suggesting that you pick this massive fight. That would be crazy. We’re just highlighting an accidental habit that lives in the background of most relationships. 

What’s the habit? 

Prioritizing ot...

 A couple months ago, we wrote a newsletter about using AI in your relationship. We wanted to see what would happen if we asked ChatGPT for advice on navigating our own relationship drama.

But then we learned about a new way AI is showing up in relationships. People aren't just asking AI for advice. They're turning to AI for companionship.

So I (Nate) decided to explore this brave new world to see what happens when you add a third (virtual) person to your relationship.

First stop. I had t...

You can take all sorts of surveys and assessments to better understand the strength of your relationship.

But we want to propose that a single question—what we call "The Brag Test"—can tell you everything you need to know. 

What's the question?

When you're talking to others and your partner isn't around, do you mostly criticize or brag about them?

If you mostly brag about their accomplishments, best qualities, and strengths, you passed. In fact, you get an A+ on The Brag Test. It's a sig...

We have a theory that has been brewing for some time.

It goes like this: The thing that matters most in determining the quality of your relationship is your mindset. 

The mechanism driving this phenomenon is what psychologists call"social contagion." It's a fancy way of saying that your marriage is like a mirror of your mind.

If you show up with resentment, the mirror that is your partner or your kids will reflect back more resentment. 

If, on the other hand, you show up with love, this...

If you're not careful, date night can start to feel, well, kind of boring. 

Here's why. 

This modern relationship ritual is an attempt to merge the spontaneous experience of love with the overly-scheduled reality of family life.

It's romance meets Google Calendar, intimacy meets email. 

And in this tug-of-war between love and logistics, the perfectly-planned-out and domesticated side of life usually wins.

This is why you might end up doing the same things, going to the same restaurants...