Over the last several decades, our culture has adopted a new definition of success. It used to be that success in life involved being really good at one thing.
You might be an amazing writer. A brilliant teacher. A savvy businessperson. Or a devoted stay-at-home parent.
Nowadays, however, we've expanded the scope of success. It’s no longer enough to be good at just one thing. We now have to be good at, well, everything.
If you're an overachiever at work, with a stressful job, you...
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re walking down the street. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a strikingly beautiful man or woman.
You turn your gaze toward them and, without knowing why, you find yourself drawn to the sight of this person.
Seconds later, you may even find yourself lost in a mental daydream, a spontaneous fantasy where you're seducing this innocent bystander in a chaise lounge by a pool. Or perhaps you just feel the tingling sensations of sexual energy...
It’s date night. You've arranged the childcare. And you and your partner have a clear agreement to meet at 6pm.
There’s just one problem. It’s now 6:15pm, and your partner is nowhere to be found.
You feel angry and rightly so. You text them: "WHERE ARE YOU?" When your partner finally does arrive, at 6:20pm, how do you respond?
It's a question worth asking because your response in moments like these has the power to strengthen or destroy your connection. When...
Has this ever happened to you?
You notice something about a friend, something they have that you wish you had.
The perfect body - I wish I looked more like that.
Effortless success at work - why is everything so hard for me?
Their annoyingly upbeat mental state - I wish I had that energy.
Or maybe you experience this with another couple you know.
They go on amazing trips – we never go on vacations like those.
Their seemingly relaxed and stress-free life – why are we so...
Several years ago, we noticed a strange pattern in our lives together. With marathon to-do lists, overflowing inboxes, and the constant demands of raising a small human being, we spent much of life trying to achieve "completion."
Completion might be getting to inbox zero. Or it might be finally planning out all of our daughter's summer camps. Or it might be that ecstatic feeling of having a house that's perfectly clean and in order.
What’s the problem with completion? The problem, we...
The last several months have been hard on everyone. We've heard this from countless couples. We’ve also heard them say, “Sometimes, I can't tell whether we are just having a bad day or whether something is really wrong.”
At the individual level, this can show up as having trouble distinguishing life's ordinary upsets from something more serious: chronic anxiety, depression, or burnout.
In marriage, this can show up as having trouble distinguishing everyday tiffs...
There’s something odd about the very idea of "the science of marriage." Raising kids together, negotiating disputes, or having outrageous sex – these aren't "scientific" activities. It would be odd to use predictive analytics to improve your parenting. It would be even stranger to use data sets of your past trysts to spice up your sex life.
All that's to say that science can't explain the mystery of marriage -- the actual experience of being in love.
Will and Jada Smith recently introduced a new word into the vernacular of marriage: “entanglements." It’s their way of referring to the people outside your marriage who blur the line between friendship and an emotional or actual affair.
We thought this whole idea of “entanglements" raised a fascinating question: when does a relationship outside of marriage become something more like an emotional affair? When does it begin to undermine intimacy and trust in...
Now that stay-at-home orders and quarantines are easing (for some of us), we’ve noticed a pattern, both as individuals and as a couple. It’s a pattern we're calling "the quarantine habit hangover."
Just like a real hangover from a night where you had a little bit too much fun, this hangover starts with an earlier attempt to seek short-term pleasure. But unlike the morning after a wild party, this one is more like a three-month daze brought on by all sorts of odd...
These are the words of Esther Perel, the master theorist of sex and eroticism in marriage. Her big idea is that marriage consists of two conflicting aims. On one side, we crave security, comfort, and safety. On the other, we crave adventure, excitement, and sometimes even risk.