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80/80 Marriage

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How Much Slack Do You Have in Your System of Marriage?

habits priorities space stress Mar 14, 2022

 

The management scientist Edward Deming once said, "Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets."

Now, Deming was talking about large organizations and companies. But his insight applies perfectly to relationships for two reasons.

First, his words offer an important reminder. The results you and your partner are getting -- both good and bad -- aren't happening by random chance. They're created by an underlying system of habits, perfectly designed to give you those...

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Your Phone Is Ruining Your Relationship (Here's How to Put it Down)

communication habits stress Mar 07, 2022

 

When we interviewed couples, we heard tragic stories of divorce, constant conflict, and affairs.

But we also heard about a milder, more insidious, force pulling most couples apart.

The smartphone.

Think you don't have a problem with your phone? Think again. 

Most research estimates that fifty percent of us admit to experiencing a full-on behavioral addiction to our phones. And while we might touch our partner lovingly several times a day, we touch our phones an average of ...

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6 Ways to DESTROY Your Partner's Desire for Sex in Marriage

habits sex Mar 02, 2022

 

Sex and marriage might just be two of the most contradictory activities we humans engage in.

Sex is all about freedom, pleasure, and spontaneity. It thrives on breaking routines, novelty, risk, and experimentation.

Then there's marriage. Place that word next to sex, and it feels heavy, almost boring. Marriage, after all, is about commitment. It demands safety, hard work, and steady routines. It's less about spontaneity, more about predictability and structure.

Perhaps this is why one...

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Is 'Completion Addiction' Hurting Your Marriage?

habits priorities space stress Feb 23, 2022

Several years ago, we noticed a strange pattern in our lives together. With marathon to-do lists, overflowing inboxes, and the constant demands of raising a small human being, we spent much of life trying to achieve "completion."

Completion might be getting to inbox zero. Or it might be finally planning out all of our daughter's summer camps. Or it might be that ecstatic feeling of having a house that's perfectly clean and in order.

What’s the problem with completion? The problem, we...

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All The Hacks of The 80/80 Marriage

habits roles stress Feb 17, 2022

 

This week we're switching up the format of our newsletter. 

We're thrilled to share about our new favorite podcast (we think you'll agree) called All the Hacks, which was recently featured on The Tim Ferriss Show.

The podcast is hosted by Chris Hutchins and, on this latest episode, we had the privilege of talking with Chris and his wife Amy Fox about all the "hacks" of 80/80. 

Click here to listen.

This episode also served as the perfect opportunity to ask...

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Plan Your Summer (Without Driving Each Other Crazy)

communication stress Feb 09, 2022

 

It’s still mid-winter, and yet it’s already time for summer planning to begin. Kids summer camps are filling up. Your in-laws are asking, “When are you planning to visit?" And air fares are starting to rise.

How do you plan out your summer without driving each other crazy?

Let's start with how not to do it, with the way that summer planning turns into a hot mess come July.

Partner 1, the consummate over-contributor, realizes that, if she doesn’t...

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4 Ways to Transition From Work Life to Family Life in Marriage

habits priorities stress Feb 02, 2022

Originally published in Inc. Magazine.

Does this sound familiar?

You've just finished a long day, full of emails, Zoom calls, deadlines, and to-dos. You're now making the shift from work mode to family mode. But, for some reason, you just can't seem to turn it off.

You keep thinking about that meeting, that call you need to make, or all the things you weren't able to get to. You're living in yesterday, tomorrow, and five years from now, finding it impossible to slow down and be here now.

If...

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The Case for Couples Ditch Day in Marriage

habits priorities stress Jan 25, 2022

 

Spring 1997.

Dave Matthews Band was peaking in popularity. The Backstreet Boys were just arriving on the scene. And the two of us were finishing our senior year of high school.

In a bold collective act of defiance, the two of us, along with four hundred or so of our peers, participated in the time-honored tradition of “Senior Ditch Day." Instead of going to school, we loaded onto buses and watched an afternoon Colorado Rockies baseball game. 

It was our way of saying,...

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Your Spouse is Into Something Weird (What Do You Do?)

conflict habits stress Jan 19, 2022

Last year, Nate took up a bizarre practice. After reading the book Breath by James Nestor, he became convinced of the benefits of nasal breathing (breathing through your nose instead of your mouth).

The scientific case for nasal breathing is robust. A vast body of evidence shows that simply breathing through your nose improves sleep quality, reduces stress, and enhances our ability to absorb oxygen.

There’s just one problem. How do you breathe through your nose at night?

Enter...

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How to Have a Sane Relationship When the World's Gone Mad

 

Is it just us or does everyone seem overwhelmed and ragged these days?

Consider the last few days of 2021. The 30th of December kicked off with the terrifying news of the Omicron variant spreading throughout the world at record pace.

Then came the texts that afternoon asking, “Are you guys OK? Is your house on fire?" We soon learned that an ember storm was barreling down on the southern part of our beloved city of Boulder, a winter wildfire driven by hurricane force winds...

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